Catharsis

We just played a show in Oswego that, as far as I'm concerned was the best we've had in over a year. I'm exhausted but I need to write this out before I fall asleep. This band, for whatever reason, helps me cope. It's a forum where I can say what's on my mind and express what's stewing in my guts. It's where I can take off some of my armor and some of my costume and just be. It doesn't happen all the time. Sometime I'm a dickhead with a microphone performing. But when it's good it's when I can just shed my outer layers and be naked in a way. That's what I felt tonight.

I've had friends come up to me in the past and tell me that when I'm playing in this band or when I'm saying something serious between songs they can't take me seriously because they know what I'm like in every day life. "That's just not you" they say. I've got news. You don't know who the fuck I am. I walk around every day of my life wearing my armor. We all do. We'd be stupid not to. The world isn't safe for people to walk around exposed all the time. There are certain times when I can take it all off and just be. When all things are aligned right and the atmosphere is just so, this is my tool for connecting with things.

It takes all my strength to not to tell lies... not to sugar coat things for your liking. Some days I can actually get to a point where what I'm doing is more important than how you see it and a lot of the time it occurs in this context. It is really frustrating to me when people I consider friends don't get that. On nights like tonight my ears ring so loud that I can't sleep and I get to lay in it and feel good about what I've done. I get to feel good about doing something good for myself and maybe even doing something good for somebody else in the process. I get to feel like I'm not completely full of shit. Please don't take that away from me.


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