The World of Demons

Here's what's up today in AB land: Drums are done. We recorded them with Jocko at more sound studios right here in Syracuse. They sound huge. We are all fucking ecstatic. I started on vocals there yesterday and will be finishing them up in the next few weeks. Then Scotty, Jon, and Mayo will be heading out to Salem, MA to do guitar and bass tracks with Kurt at God City where we recorded Not Now. Not Ever. and Mill City. Yeah, the record is being weirdly recorded. We're working with two studios and recording vocals before guitars. Why are we doing it this way? Cause fuck you, that's why. We do what we want.

Seriously though, what we have so far is sounding great and I couldn't be happier with how we've chosen to do this. Jocko at more sound is one of the most talented people that Syracuse, New York has to offer so to have him doing our drums and vocals is an honor. On top of that, his live room has this x-factor that adds all sorts of body and personality to the drums. He's doing a fantastic job and I'm really excited to think that once this record drops we might be able to bring a little more attention to one of Syracuse's best kept secrets. We couldn't just let go of Kurt, though. The man is a guitar wizard and he'll be performing his magic as well as a bit of analingus on this record so make sure to listen for his many contributions.


Like I said before, I'm still finishing up lyrics but they're almost done. I can't remember if I posted up Sin Eater or not. When I finish up the last song I'm going to post all of the lyrics in order with a kind of cliff notes explanation of what I'm trying to do. If that song wasn't posted yet I'll put it up in that post. For now I'm too stoked on this new song that I just finished today to focus on anything else. It's still a rough draft and may be tweaked but I really really like it so I think it will stay how it is. It's got a real similar feel to Diesel & Gunpowder but it's written in a style that I've never really tried before. I made a reference to D&G to tie this back to Mill City and I made a reference to The God Complex (song) to keep up with the continuity of the theme of the record. I'm really happy about the way it came out. Check it and let me know what you think in the comments.


MAKYO

I can't just walk away
I know that there's a better answer. A better way than this.
But the Devil's playing games
And the razor blade is begging me to listen to my wrists:

"Just let go. Just let go.
Take the vein and I will take your pain
Just let go. Just let go.
You're not meant for this world. I am meant to take you away."

My will is weak.
And my hands tremble.
I take the razor and I say,
"Not Today. Not Today."

"Open up and bleed or there'll be Hell to pay."
"Not today. Not today. In some future I may falter. Not today."

So here we stand at this familiar impasse
It's you and me, motherfucker. It's just you and me.
Just you and me.

I gather up my strength and touch the ground.
Feet don't fail me now.

"See me. Hear me."

I don't need you to take my pain
"See me. Hear me."

I open up and bleed in a different way
"See me. Hear me."

"See me. Hear me."

I won't give voice to delusion
I AM.





So there you go. I bet you're shocked that I wrote a song about battling with suicide because it's not something that I talk about all the time. Yes. That was sarcasm. This is pretty well-treaded territory for me so I'll save explaining all of that junk and let you delve further into the blog if you want to know how I feel about the subject.

Some things you might be interested to know about this song:

1) It's kind of a modernized version of the story of Buddha's Enlightenment. In the original story, Siddharta Guatama sat underneath the Bodhi tree in a state of intense meditation and was visited by a host of demons, the final being Mara. As Mara attempted to tempt and scare him from his goal of acheiving true consciousness he persisted and finally responded by touching the ground to signify that he was grounded in reality. Thus, he achieved his enlightenment.

2) Aside from the Buddhist history lesson, and for anyone that really doesn't give two shits about who Buddha was or what he did, this song is about how the constant mental battle I have with myself about suicide. There are references to this fact peppered throughout this record and throughout everything that I write (these references are both intentional and unintentional) and this song tackles the issue head on. This one kind of creeps me out in a way because while I've written on the topic of (my own) suicide before this one conjurs up an image for me of staring at my own reflection with a razor in my hand. That really hits me in a weird way that nothing I've ever written before has. And the whole arguing back and forth with the Devil inside my own head concept gives it something extra for me that just makes it more alive and real than pretty much anything else I've written.

3) This is the third to last song on the record and is written to be the climax, or the turning point, or the kairos or whatever you want to call it. Today I was talking to a friend and she was talking about some shit that happened to her when a kid that she thinks has been fucking her up for a while and she's talking about finally facing it. I said something to the effect of, "It's your dragon. You're finally strong enough to fight it." I was thinking about that a lot when I was writing this song and I guess that idea has unconsciously been driving this whole record. Everybody has a dragon. Everybody has that one big thing that underlies everything else. That thing that haunts you. It chases you wherever you go. It will manifest itself in every move you make until it is challenged and defeated in some way.
This whole record is about starting with this broad problem of "Fuck God and Fuck Religion" and then moving on to realizing that the problem is deeper than the symptom and exploring the root causes which are "I witnessed some really shitty things and was victim to some pretty shitty things" and then at this point of the record, facing it and resolving it. This is the song where the dragon is fought. I called it the Devil. You can call it whatever you want on your God Complex record. Hopefully at this point it's been sufficiently defined by the songs before it. If not I can spell it out for you: The Devil in this context refers to my father. Chuck Pahlaniuk said something in Rant about how the foundation of many different religions is the idea that in order to gain any real power, a man must kill his father. In this song the idea is that I've been trying to kill my father by killing myself (because I am my father) but resolve it by finding a way to separate myself from this Devil and just fend it off instead.

Are you confused yet? If you are it's fine. It's also acceptable to just not give a shit. Like I said before, the lyrical end of this record is meant to be experienced at different levels based on how much effort you want to put into tearing it apart and how much or how little you care about how I feel about my dad.

4) This song and this whole record are really heavily fueled by the fact that I've been in one form of therapy or another for the last 2 years as I've been working on my Master's in counseling. Along the way I've done a lot of stealing from various artists and authors to get the point across. If you read any of the books I've listed in the must read section you'll probably find something that I've ripped off verbatim. Hell, I even stole a line from myself in this one.

5) The phrase "listen to my wrists" came from a dream I had about a year ago. In the dream Scotty was hanging out at my house and doing that thing we all do where we sing whatever we have stuck in our heads under our breaths while we're doing whatever it is we're doing. In the dream the line he was kind of singing intermittently was, "One day you're gonna listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen to your wrist." In the dream it was so catchy that, without ever hearing the song he was singing, that line got stuck in my head and I was singing it. I finally asked him what it was and he told me it was a new pre-release for a Modern Life is War song (yeah I'm a fanboy. Deal with it.). I said something about how it was really a catchy line and I wished I had written it. When I woke up and realized that it wasn't a MLIW song I was psyched. I wrote it down on a piece of paper next to my bed and vowed to use it at some point. So here it is.


OK I think that's enough info about that song, don't you? Thanks for stopping in. Let me know what you think and keep checking for updates on recording and an eventual listing of all the lyrics in the record, in order, with a little explanation of what the hell is going on.


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